Facing Our Insecurities

(as we understand our husbands) Part I

I did a study over the past year on how to have a winning team marriage by understanding your husband.

I think after much study, a key ingredient to have a winning team marriage is to understand your husband. I have heard men say they will never be able to understand a woman, and I have heard women say that they will never be able to understand a man. Proverbs, written by the wisest and wealthiest man in the world had much to say about wisdom and understanding.

There are many definitions for understanding, but understanding is simply wisdom applied to our daily lives and how it affects others.

My life and my choices will inevitably affect my husband and my children as well as others. 

Before we can understand our husbands like we should, I believe one thing is vitally important- we must face our own insecurities. 

We have to realize that we are enough for our spouse through Christ’s help.

@jackiecarr_

Philippians 3:9 says, “And be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith:”

One way I face my personal insecurities is to realize who I am in Christ.

Christ gave everything for me. He knew who I was before I was born. He loved and chose me before the foundation of the world. He knows how many hairs are on my head. His thoughts toward me are more than the number of pieces of sand on the planet. Nothing can separate me from His love. I must be found in Him. I realize who I am through Him when I spend time with Him. 

“And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.” (Ephesians 3:19)

“Keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life.” (Jude 1:21) 

It’s our duty to remind ourselves how much God loves us.

No human can ever show us the type of love that Christ gave us when He died for us, but was also resurrected so that we could have abundant life. 

Many times we expect our spouse to love us how we think they should love us when many times we need to go to God for the everlasting love He provides so that we can unselfishly love our spouses how they need to be loved.

I know this is opposite of worldly philosophy, but that’s what Christ offered the woman at the well. When she met Jesus he told her that she had five husbands and the one she was with then wasn’t even her husband. She was looking for love, and wasn’t fulfilled. 

So, how are some ways that I can apply this practically? 

Many times women beat down on themselves in front of their spouses.

They say things like, “I’m ugly, I’m fat, and I’m not this or that.” You may even feel like you are not strong enough for your situation at hand. 

When I first married my husband I would have never dreamed of telling my new husband that my house wasn’t big enough or good enough. Or, saying things that would make him feel like he couldn’t provide for me like, “I just wish you made more money, and/or I’m embarrassed of this car you let us drive.” I would feel ashamed to say or think anything like this to my husband. I remember telling my husband many times, “I would rather live under a bridge with you than to have everything in the world and live without you.” 

BUT>>> You know what we do, when we degrade ourselves, we are telling him basically that he didn’t know what he was thinking when he met you.

He could have chosen any woman to ask out, but he asked you out or visa versa LOL! When he met you, he was attracted to what you had to offer. If you are naturally curvy, I am sure he enjoys your curves, and if you are naturally thin, I am sure he enjoys how thin you are. 

I am not advocating that we should never better ourselves!

I think we should strive to be the best that we can be, but you’re the only person that can do you best. When he married you, he was attracted to what you had to offer. Also, if you married him thinking how you could change him, then this is not right either. 

We were made to be their companion and completer not necessarily meet anyone else’s expectations. 

I have always been the type of person to be one-track-minded and a creative at heart. I love to clean and make things pretty, but the daily maintenance is a strain to my creativity LOL. It’s just not fun to put the same things away day after day, but I have had to practice over and over again at daily routines.

My senior year in college I was taking 27 credit hours while trying to finish a year early to get married. Dan and I had dated long-distance our entire relationship, and I planned my wedding away from home. I became really sick during this process.

We had dorm checks every day during the school week. A young girl, who I am sure did not mean anything by it, wrote a letter to me that stated, “How do you think you are ever going to be a preacher’s wife if you can’t even keep your room clean?” I was literally crushed because I knew I had been struggling, and I did not ever want to dishonor my future husband.

I brought this statement into my marriage with all the other insecurities that I had.

As a young mom I would always read Proverbs 31 and ask God to give me the wisdom I needed to build my home and be the virtuous woman. One day this verse came alive to me like never before, “She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.” (Proverbs 31:27)

If you read this chapter, you may feel stressed from the very beginning by how much this lady did.

I know I have! But, we shouldn’t! She was not comparing herself to anyone else; she was busy meeting the needs of her own household. 

So, how are we going to face our insecurities and meet the needs of our husbands? Just love him.

In Titus 2:3-5, this passage encourages the younger women to learn how to love their husbands and children.

What’s so hard about loving your husband? Isn’t this something that should just come natural? No,

Attraction is natural. True, Christ-like love is learned.

@jackiecarr_

I Corinthians 13, the love chapter in the Bible, is full of the hard things about love that we must learn. Charity suffers long, it’s not jealous, it bears all things, and it never fails. Of course we all love the goose bumps we get from a good love story, but we should not live our lives with the world’s mentality of love- I love when someone else loves me in return, or I love when I feel it. 

The following are a few things to leave you with today:

1. Use experienced ladies as your guide not your measuring stick. 

2. Stop allowing your insecurities to hold you back from growth. 

I love hearing from you, and hope this post is a blessing! Please email me if you have questions or want more specific topics. weesix0812@gmail.com

Love, Jackie

You can also find this post on my wife’s website here: https://www.winningteam7.com

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Learning How to Love Your Family